Everything I Once Needed
by autobotjolt101
Summary: Bumblebee never knew what love was until it was taken from him...brutally.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The ceremony was short, not too short but not too long either. He sat out of view of the others eyesight where he wasn t welcomed. A loss of a teammate was difficult to handle, but a loss of a lover was far worse. Even though the Decepticons were cruel and conflicted pain to others, they still mourned for a loss of those of their own. The church had filled up well, not to its full capacity. Enough to which the main Decepticon army had occupied the space: the Seekers, the TIC, Megatron himself, even most of the groups spread around the area had showed; not that he could care about it. Bumblebee was at loss of words. All he could do was sit in the very back and hold in the tears that overwhelmed him. To make little noise as possible so the others wouldn t hear him in the back; the Decepticons could possibly care less for the Autobots sympathy, but Barricade wasn t just a Decepticon like the others, he was much more. Surely they would take him hostage again and wait for the great leader of the Autobots to confirm a search party and go after him. Only this time, Barricade wouldn t be there to help him. It seemed only yesterday that Barricade had helped him from the prison cells of the twins company: Rumble and Frenzy He could remember it so clearly Shooing away the two twins that had accompanied the youth for the last two hours of his abduction, they were teasing him, fondling his blonde hair, and groping him in places that purely scared Bumblebee. It was no wonder his frame was shaking. Rumble and Frenzy had laughed out bitterly before each stealing a kiss on the bloodless cheeks. Until we meet again, Honey-Bee They simultaneously spoke, looking forward to the fun that would be forced upon him later.  
>The Decepticon watched the two boys run off to go annoy the Seekers or Soundwave.<br>Kid, what are you doing here? What the hell did you do this time? The Decepticon had ordered; his deep crimson red eyes piercing the bright yet dull blue ones of the youths. I-I was on a reconnaissance mission when The young Autobot had found himself at loss of words towards his superior, trying his best not to sound like a weakling or a child. The Decepticon had thought otherwise.  
>Spit it out, I haven t got all day; and I certainly don t have all day for the likes of you! The other sneered down at the blonde. At the last word the youth had winced just a bit at the snarl of a demand.<br>M-Megatron had found me alone while I was on the mission The Decepticon had no sympathy from the pathetic explanation, but his now scarred blue eyes had stated something else. Barricade looked deep into the inviting sea of innocence. In the sea he could sense that the Autobot was scared, terrified to be precise. He had dealt with the Decepticons before but his innocence had been taken forcefully and brutally. And to be forced at Megatron s mercy on Christmas even his boss had a heart; though it was cold and hard.  
>His heart beat like that of a hummingbird and his cheeks had flushed a bright red, aside from the pale white, with embarrassment of what the Decepticons planned to do with him yet again and of what Rumble and Frenzy had already done. As a cop, he had found it morally wrong, but as a loyal Decepticon, he could care less of what they would do to him; after all, he was the opposing force and it didn t count, right?<br>Finally sighing in defeat, the Decepticon bent down and unlocked the shackles that enslaved the boy. You are very fortunate young one; next time you may not get so lucky as to be escaping. Just be thankful that it is Christmas and not some other waste less day. The grip was rough but the handling was gentle, almost like a husband would caress his wife.  
>W-Wait, why are you doing this? You re a Decepticon, you guys aren t the least bit concerned for an Autobot like me; wouldn t you just be interested in playing and toying with me like everyone else? The last question was a bit harsh but had asked the truth no matter.<br>Barricade hesitated before answering the youth. I already told you, Auto-brat, its Christmas and it wouldn t be fair for you to be away from your contrary of the war, much less be a present to Megatron! And I could possibly care less for a boy as immature as yourself; you re nothing but a waste of time to the Decepticon cause! Barricade had snarled as he narrowed his deep crimson eyes.  
>Bumblebee bit back, chewing on his lower lip as he contemplated his next question. Well can you at least tell me your name? A small voice asked, hoarse from crying out in pain from the twins and in irritation.<br>The Decepticon sighed in frustration as he slapped a hand to his face and pinched the bridge of his nose. Barricade; my name is Barricade He said silently.  
>The youth considered the name and nodded slightly with a small smile printed across his face. Thank you Barricade Don t get all sentimental on me and don t think I m gonna help you every time you get your useless ass caught again! I won t help you next time; got it? Barricade growled.<br>I wasn t counting on it! I can now see why Megatron values criminals and people like you. Merry Christmas, Barricade The Autobot muttered back ruthlessly and hopped up and made his way towards the exit, limping a bit from the damage the others had inflicted upon him when they brought him in.  
>Boy , what s your name? Barricade had asked; a thoughtful tone in his voice but the edginess and frustration still present. The youth turned to face the Decepticon with narrowed eyes. Bumblebee I couldn t see why it d matter though. A small voice responded. Bumblebee continued on to the exit where he escaped without being detected It was from then that their friendly alliance had progressed into something more over time, to Bumblebee for that matter anyway. Whenever he was found by Barricade, they d dismiss each other with no report of the activity or confrontation; even constructing small talk now and then. When Barricade confessed into his love for Bumblebee, that was another story and much more complicated; it was all curious for the young scout and slipping off from patrol duty had made the others suspicious. His late nights coming home and falling asleep during security briefs held by Prowl only brought punishment on the young one such as cleaning around the base, extra patrol hours, and monitor duty Bumblebee, you need to go. Besides, you could use the rest, your exhausted! Barricade once said. Tonight was one of those nights where he had lied to the SIC and TIC about a circumstance that had come up and he wouldn t be back till tomorrow unless otherwise; the same excuse had been passed upon quite often and Prowl s suspicions weren t easing back about this certain circumstance . I am not! Bumblebee protested while stifling a yawn.<br>Yeah, you re not tired at all; I can tell. Barricade stated with a strong hint of sarcasm and matter-of-fact tone in his deep voice. You have to be up at what, 5 o clock this morning? Its 3:25 now and you need all the sleep you can get. Besides, you need to be on your full alert in a war zone, you re vulnerable wherever you are, Honey-Bee. Bumblebee looked up with his bright blue eyes that always put Barricade at a stand-still with his words. Dark rings hung loosely around the full-of-life eyes. You could easily tell the young one hadn t had a decent nights sleep in two solid weeks.  
>5:30 and I m not tired. Bumblebee stifled another yawn. And I am alert on the battlefield, Uh huh, your knicks and bruises say otherwise, child. Barricade said with an eyebrow propped up and his arms crossed across his chest from where he sat on the bed. He had earned a glare from Bumblebee with that statement of truth.<br>I d wish you d stop calling me child , kid , or young one ; I m 21 now. Barricade chuckled as he pulled his young lover into his lap onto the Queen bed they shared, Yes, but the fact still remains that you act like one and you were 16 when I first met you, Honey-Bee. Bumblebee smiled but it soon faded when his troubles caught up to him again.  
>I m just scared and concerned with some stuff; that s all, Bumblebee shrugged, his body language announced it was childish and non important. His head slumped down to look at the intertwined hands that Bumblebee held.<br>Tell me, Bee. Barricade s voice changed to a concerned and thoughtful tone with love mixed within. He tried to find the bright eyes that were now hidden beneath the blonde and black hair. The hair shook with the meaning of no .  
>Bumblebee, I can t help you if you won t tell me. Barricade pulled his hand free from Bumblebee s and pulled his face up so he could see him eye to eye; Barricade s other hand remained on the small of Bumblebee s back.<br>The youth was reluctant at first to tell Barricade what was going through his mind; choking back a breath the slightest bit before he spoke a little louder than anticipated. Why are we in this damn war to begin with? I don t want to fight anyone, and not you for that matter. Each day we conflict pain to one another, I already had to go under for surgery with my voice box. Bumblebee s voice raised an octave. Barricade cringed at the memory of his Honey-Bee almost being lost to a Decepticon attack; there was so much blood. One of these days a side will win or we ll all die out; and just the thought of you hurt or worse Tears pooled in his bright blue eyes, their shine dulling with the thought of losing his lover. Bumblebee sniffled to hide his emotions; only to no such prevail, his head falling back down.  
>Barricade pulled him into a tight embrace, wishing to never let Bumblebee go. He truly loved him, more than anything or anyone. He knew it was hard, for both of them for that matter. He knew the ugly truth was, well, true and giving up his little Honey-Bee was difficult.<br>Bumblebee buried his face into the crook of Barricade s neck, closing his eyes to make the moment last, the tears beginning to fall one by one.  
>I know, Bee, I know. Barricade had said, kissing the top of the blondes head and then placing his cheek on top. Nothings gonna happen, I promise. He whispered Coming back to reality, Bumblebee had to face the facts. All happening at the very early stages of the war before death s shadow had cast itself everywhere and taking the innocent and leaving the guilty. It wasn t until this year in 2012 when Bumblebee had turned 23 that this had happened. The damn war had corrupted his lover s judgment; now look where it had gotten Barricade. He was dead and gone and wouldn t come back until death had come to take Bumblebee to where he would meet Barricade once again. He hadn t kept his word like he had promised; he lied.<br>Barricade, wherever you may be; why d you do it? Why? Bumblebee whimpered, the fresh stream of tears running down his soft cheeks and dripping down his face onto his fine cut light baby blue button-up shirt. The abrupt movement of getting up out of his seat quickened the pace of the tears; light dribbles of salty water landed on the shirt, staining the premises and turning the convicted area a darker blue.  
>Before any of the Decepticons could catch him, the youth exited the church doors and walked down the barren streets. It was 7 o clock in the evening in December, two weeks before Christmas. Bumblebee and Barricade had made plans to meet up privately to spend Christmas Eve and the following day together; just the two of them. Though Jazz had scheduled a party on Christmas, most of the Autobots would be in town for such. A few had stated that family had asked for their presence, Bumblebee had been put upon the small list. Jazz thankfully complied, although he was upset, he understood. Christmas had been a very special time for Bumblebee and Barricade. As they both knew that it was the day they had met each other for the first time. Though harsh words had been exchanged, it had become a tradition for the two to meet up on Christmas, just the two, when Bumblebee had been 19 Bzzz, bzzz, bzzz. The left pocket of Bumblebee s black North Face jacket had vibrated. Digging into the soft pocket of the thin yet comfortable jacket, Bumblebee raised his cell, an LG. He wiped his wrist across his face, preventing the further stream of tears. Lowering his wrist that was now dampened, Bumblebee looked down at the caller ID: Barricade. Just the name had triggered a whole new wave of grief and tears to pour out.<br>Hello ? The younger man sniffled a bit over the mouthpiece as he answered the incoming call.  
>No answer.<br>Irritated and not in the mood for prank calls or games, Bumblebee asked again, voice harsher than the first time. Hello, who is it? As if his words were their cue, static reigned throughout the earpiece, piercing Bumblebee s eardrum. Pulling the phone away abruptly, an annoyed and pained face was printed across his face. The static had continued for a few second and once the volume had decreased, Bumblebee pulled the cell back to his ear. A low whisper had spread throughout: Bumblebee please It was Barricade s rough deep voice, pleading. Tears once again pooled in the bright blue eyes of the younger man as he continued to listen to the voice that he missed so much. B-Barricade don t leave me please don t, y-you promised; you promised me! Crying now, the streams staining the young voice; the pleas had wracked the young body, leaving tremors evident in his posture.  
>I know Honey-Bee I know Bumblebee missed that name; it was his by Barricade s: his friend, his role model, his lover-and he were Barricade s.<br>The line cut, leaving nothing but an empty dial tone; Bumblebee closed the phone on that note and continued to cry into his arms. His body continued to tremor as he did his best to collect himself and walk down the street back to base.  
>He wrapped himself up with his skinny but muscular arms as he stretched out the North Face jacket that had been given to him his first Christmas with Barricade.<br>Walking again, Bumblebee used his wrist to wipe away any extra tears that had leaked out. He cast his suffering eyes to the light ahead for a moment, a shadow of a man, tall and muscular was cast from the luminous light. Bumblebee stared at the figure before walking by without care of what the stranger was doing or wanted.  
>Deep, contemplating eyes watched as Bumblebee continued down the block; reaching out to grab hold of the shuddering shoulder of the crying younger man, longing to hug and comfort the shuddering boy. He was his own; he needed him, but with the way that Bumblebee had cried, the boy needed him more than he had realized <p>


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: So...here's the second chapter. I hope you enjoy it

Title: Everything I Once Needed

Rating: M

Summary: Bumblebee never really knew what love was until it was taken from him...brutally.

**Warning: There's kind of a small part of slash in here...and it's kind of heart wrenching (well to me anyway). Please read, enjoy, and comment**

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><p>Chapter 2<p>

"Where were you? You know that your patrol duty had ended about two hours ago. Going out on your own is unsafe and only makes you vulnerable to Decepticons." It wasn't uncommon for the SIC to throw a fit about something like this. When Prowl gave you an order and curfew times, he expected them to be followed out.

"Sorry, I was out. I thought I had picked up a Decepticon signature," Bumblebee said with a tone full of sorrow, nonchalance, and melancholy. Sniffling and doing his best to eliminate the fact that he had just cried his heart out to the one that he loved and missed, he passed Prowl slowly, care not emanating through his strides.

"Bumblebee, are you okay? You seem...depressed. Is there something you want to talk about?"

The question had caught the young man off guard. Bumblebee pivoted on the heel of his foot, staring at the SIC with a questioning look.

"The conversation would be in private and would be confidential to anyone outside my office."

Bumblebee shook his head before he spoke aloud. "No thank you. I'm just tired and kind of...upset that my presumption...was...incorrect."

Prowl studied the scout thoroughly. His dark sky blue eyes contemplating every move he had made; from his stance, his facials, and his eyes: precisely the dark bruise-like rings beneath the others once bright eyes.

"If that is your choice, Bumblebee; I will not force you to speak up, but, if you ever want to talk about anything, call me via comm. link or come by my office. Good night, Bumblebee."

"Thank you, Prowl."

The officer had bid farewell with a nod of his head as he watched the younger man walk off-sluggishly-to his quarters. Prowl wasn't second-in-command of the Autobot forces for no reason; he knew when something was off or amiss about his crew members. Optimus might've not seen it, but Prowl certainly had. The normally joyful and bouncy young scout of the Autobots was low in rank but made up for it in work, now, depression had overridden his bubbly personality and it was as if everything hadn't mattered in life anymore.

Normally, you'd see this kind of behavior in a bonded pair, like Prowl was to Jazz or Ratchet was to Ironhide, when one was hurt, severely ill, or had passed on. However, there was a complication in such a matter: Bumblebee wasn't bonded.

Prowl decided to ask Bumblebee tomorrow; surely he'd be up to talking about it then, right?

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><p>The door to his quarters had opened when his key had turned to unlock the lock. Everything was where it should be; the books on the bookshelf out of order, his clothes half heartedly thrown onto the floor. Papers for missions and unfinished homework stacked on the busy desk filled with knick-knacks and pictures from fond memories of his past: both recent and from farther back.<p>

The alarm clock that sat upon the bedside table lit up with red numbers indicating that it was 9:10 p.m., local time. A half glass of water lay untouched next to the alarm clock from earlier this morning. The clutter along the floor next to bed consisted of socks and plaid pajama pants along with a beaten up book, "_the Map of Time_".

Bumblebee sighed and closed the door while turning on the fluorescent overhead lighting that accompanied his room. His navy blue comforter lay upon the twin sized bed along with gold sheets and spreadsheet that lay sprawled and unmade under, over, and half off the bed.

Scooting aside the clutter, Bumblebee stripped off his fine cut shirt and best dress pants and laid them aside on the frame of the bed. He then picked up the plaid pajama pants and shrugged into them

With another sigh, Bumblebee turned off the lights and then made his way over to his bed, not caring that he was topless, and climbed beneath the comforter and gold sheets. Staring up at the ceiling for a good while until he had turned on his side and closed his eyes; Bumblebee worked to keep his tears and whimpers in, only to find that their force had won when he quietly let it all out into the night; like he had next to Barricade's dead corpse in his apartment that horrid night.

Behind his drowsy red and irritated eyelids, memories of Barricade danced around within his mind: his smile, his laughter, his kisses and love by Primus, it was excruciating to even remember and think about. Everything about him made Bumblebee's heart clench.

Despite the fact that Barricade was a Decepticon, he was a down to Earth kind of guy and cared deeply for the young scout. The first night that Bumblebee had spent the night with Barricade on that cold winters eve, Barricade opened up; though their relationship had started that very year when Bumblebee was 19, spending his first Christmas with Barricade...

_The holographic fire in the electrical fire place vented its heat nonstop, warming up the small living area in Barricade's apartment. All lights were turned off except for the faint glow of the city shining through the front windows. _

_Barricade and Bumblebee sat together, curled up with a thick black fleece blanket, with warm mugs of French Vanilla Swiss hot chocolate in their mugs. Small morsels of marshmallows bobbed at the top, each one dissolving slowly within the heat. The two sat in front of the faux fire, enjoying the flames that licked the screen; their hands lacing within each other, Barricade rubbing soothing circles over Bumblebee's._

_Small talk had been passed from each other at the beginning of the afternoon; each one nervous to kick it up. After all, it was their first time together, and what better time to start up a relationship than Christmas Eve._

_"You seem relaxed; a side that I've never seen in you before. The last time you were around a Decepticon at this time in the year...well...you know." Barricade started up, just seeing where the small spark of conversation would take him._

_"Please don't bring that up; I hate what they did to me." _

_Barricade chuckled. "I may be a Decepticon, but I am no danger to that of you, Autobot scout." _

_"You may be a Decepticon but it doesn't change the fact of the actions and pain that you caused, my friend." Bumblebee answered a thoughtful tone in his voice. It was ironic on how the situation had played out. Barricade was a Decepticon in that matter, but showed kindness and compassion, a characteristic that never really played upon the personalities of the others among his team._

_"I know, my actions are unforgivable, but maybe you can forgive me for such." _

_Bumblebee turned to the older man; curiosity playing along his features. "I've already forgiven you, but, what made you see love for me now when we've met so many other times?" _

_"You were innocent and the fact that it was Christmas might've played a part in the fact of my love for you, Honey-Bee." _

_"But, everything changed after you let me loose." _

_"True, but the look in your eyes that I failed to see sooner shined brighter than any other time, you were scared, genuinely, and knowing that I could do something as a police officer to make you feel safe; it all changed at that moment." Barricade removed his hand from Bumblebee's and placed it on the smaller man's face, caressing the soft cheek while rubbing over them with his thumb._

_Silence held the couple's vocal cords as they continued to watch the flames lick at the screen. It wasn't awkward for either of them to withstand the silence, but rather soothing for each, comfortable. Barricade's hand soon went back to its former position with Bumblebee's as they continued to look at the fire._

_Bumblebee looked down at his mug, white swirls from the recent marshmallow played and splashed around as he contemplated his next question. Whether it would push Barricade away from the young scout or bring him closer, the results were soon to be found out._

_"Barricade, can I ask you a question?" _

_Turning his head so deep crimson looked into bright blue, Barricade nodded and his mouth formed a soft smile to announce that he was listening._

_"W-why are you a Decepticon?" _

_The question had certainly taken Barricade off guard, but was expecting it in the least. He pursed his lips to think, dropping his gaze down to his half empty mug of hot chocolate._

_"You don t have to answer, I was just curious. It's kind of a personal question too, so," _

_"No, no, it s fine." Barricade replied softly, his eyes dropping to focus onto the flames once more before he spoke of his reasons._

_"Honestly, I guess before I met you officially, I suppose you could say- I really hadn't given any thought as to why I would inflict pain upon you. I guess in my view, hurting you would be that last thing that I would want to do. I really see no point in the Decepticon vs. Autobot purpose. Every day, I kind of feel guilty for killing those in the cross fire and those who are not in the war._

_"It's all kind of a difficult concept on my terms. I wouldn't want to cause more pain than what I already do for a living as a police officer. Under strict orders under Megatron's and the government authorities, I'm ordered to fire at any criminals and to fire upon the likes of you, the Autobots. It's not a real life pleasing experience." _

_"If you don't like the Decepticons, then why don't you change to the Autobots?" _

_Barricade's hand squeezed Bumblebee's hand slightly. The subject wasn't one that the Decepticon particularly liked to come across on._

_Bumblebee tugged his hand free of Barricade's tightening hold. "...Ow..." He said beneath his breath. "Barricade, if I offended you, I'm sorry; you don't have to answer if you don t want to." _

_"Don't be sorry, it's just not a subject that I approach often, I'm not too fond of it all. But, I will say that I am not an Autobot for the reason of the sentimental value of your fraction; I would merely drown in it all!" _

_Bumblebee nodded, he understood what Barricade meant by it. The Decepticon way was much different than that of the Autobots. To conquer and control as well as to punish and enslave was at war with peace and prosperity and to save and protect. Bumblebee had lived in the sentimental value of the Autobots for about nine years now; ever since his parents had died in a house fire. It wasn't until later that week that Optimus had found him wandering the streets alone at night; since then, Bumblebee remained, unknowing what he had gotten himself into._

_"I understand," Bumblebee replied. "We come from very different backgrounds. I suppose that the sentimental emotions are a little over bearing, but, it's all for good measure." _

_Barricade nodded, his crimson eyes never wavered from the heat of the synthetic flames. The two sat in silence after Bumblebee spoke and Barricade made his small gesture of agreement._

_When Barricade turned his head to look at the youth, he saw an innocent look playing over the precious and pristine features of the side profile of Bumblebee. He sat Indian style with his mug nestled snug between his firm hands. His innocent eyes seemed to be aglow while they looked deep into the fire, as if the flames were telling him a captivating story. He seemed aloof and relaxed with the fleece blanket wrapped around his firm shoulders. _

_Dripping down his upper facial features and covering his flawless forehead, long silky strands of blonde hair waterfalled down from the crown of his head with black highlights laced between._

_The light from the flames lit brightly on his hair, still lit aglow over his eyes, his perfect nose, and his soft lips placed innocently above his angelic chin. Many unseen scars were screaming out at Barricade; he knew what had happened and what went on with Bumblebee while trapped with the Decepticons; but he couldn't bring himself to feel guilty about it now, not when he had everything that he needed _

_It wasn't before long that Bumblebee had noticed Barricade staring at him, greediness playing within his curiosity; his facial expressions full of thoughtfulness and love. Plans tersely ran over his eyes and his lips twitching as if he were trying to hide a small smile._

_"What," He had asked; Bumblebee turning his head slightly with his innocent glowing blue eyes._

_Barricade replied with silence._

_"Barricade," _

_"I want to try something," Barricade whispered softly; a smile playing at his flawless lips. He tersely looked down at his watch: 11:45 o'clock it had read. _

_Returning his gaze at a wary Bumblebee, Barricade leaned in steadily, his crimson eyes locking with lively blue ones. A warm hand had cupped Bumblebee's cheek, and he closed his eyes while he placed his own hand lacing over the one currently placed to his face._

_Moments later, tender lips placed their own over Bumblebee's; molding to his like clay, gently applying pressure. Bumblebee was hesitant at first, then soon leaning into the kiss, deepening it with passion and love. Both enjoying the bliss and the soft connection between them; energy rising between and the heat soon became a warm embrace of hope for the future._

_Almost reluctantly, Barricade began to gently push Bumblebee down to the floor, setting aside his hot chocolate and the others his. Gently pushing them aside so he wouldn't knock them over, Barricade towered over his lover; forcing the other to lean back on his elbows, still entwined with the fleece blanket. It wasn't before long that Barricade had completely straddled the others hips and leaned down on his own elbows, never once breaking the kiss and trying his best not to add his full body weight on the smaller frame beneath him._

_Once the two were settled, a small bud of a smile spread across Bumblebee's lips as he continued to kiss Barricade; vise versa with Barricade himself. Bumblebee was now flat on his back, arching up into his lover with his arms embracing the neck of Barricade's and pulling him closer to the kiss._

_Chuckling, Barricade pulled his young lover closer to him, running his tongue over the soft lips that his were pressed to; asking permission to enter into the pristine cavern. Bumblebee happily complied, opening his mouth to allow the slick tongue to probe around and map out every corner of the already invaded area._

_Moaning deeply with pleasure, Bumblebee gasped for air slightly before returning into his previous stance; kisses now leaving a trail down from his jaw to his warm neck. It wasn't the first time that he'd been kissed like this, but it was the first time that it had been gentle and not forced upon himself with pain backing up reason ._

_Bumblebee's eyelids rose up slightly to look down and begin to regain the attention of Barricade's lips against his own, staring into crimson before he closed his eyes once again and felt the pleasure of Barricade's kissing expertise. _

_Nibbling and then soon replaced by a light suck on his lower lip, Barricade continued to coddle the young scout, leaving Bumblebee breathless. A few more kisses were traded between the two, Bumblebee having his turn to map out Barricade's mouth in return before their action slowly came to a stop._

_Barricade parted, leading Bumblebee forward just a bit, waiting to see his lovers beautiful and glistening eyes; his wish was soon answered when soft eyelids retracted, allowing innocence to seep through. Placing his forehead against that of Bumblebee's, four simple words were whispered between them: "Merry Christmas, my Honey-Bee..." _

Now, at the mere thought, tears streamed down the young scouts face; the soft and far too familiar gentle kiss only belonging to Barricade, now lingering on his lips. Soft sobs escaped his vocals, becoming his new familiar lullaby as he drifted off to sleep, curling into a ball and leaning into a tight embrace that he knew would never hold him the same way.

* * *

><p>The beeping of his alarm accompanied by the morning sun, had awoken him with its buttery light melting down his once flawless face. Streaming down into slits as the blinds cut off most of the current of the warm sensation of the solar flames.<p>

Stirring a bit, rolling over to one side to turn off the alarm and squeezing his eyes shut, Bumblebee reluctantly awoke; his sight murky with depression.

Memories flooded to the beginning of his care free mind; Bumblebee honestly couldn't possibly care less of what the day would bring him, he had nothing else to loose so why worry.

Moaning and then sighing with agreement, Bumblebee rolled off his bed, ignoring the mess of the clothes on the floor along with the navy blue comforter and gold sheets half heartedly strewn over the twin bed.

Bumblebee's movements were groggy with the abrupt awakening as he stumbled over to the closet. He reached in and pulled out the first things he touched: a light button-up yellow shirt with black cuffs and seams. Bumblebee pulled on a loose fitting pair of worn out and holey baggy jeans, an American eagle brand belt folded in the loop holes but not attached. After lacing up a pair of old dull yellow sneakers with black laces, he was out the door in a flash and down the stairs to head off for patrol duty.

When Bumblebee arrived out of his quarters, he passed many of his fellow comrades down the corridor while making his way to the mess hall. Their personalities were full of cheerful morning joy and their various shades of blue and green eyes explained their friendship towards the young scout. Of course when Bumblebee hadn't responded with his usual cheerfulness, their eyes cast their concern and worry, along with curiosity as to why his mood was so low.

Ratchet hadn't been much of help either when his usual temperamental self had changed to concern. "Bumblebee, get back here and eat your breakfast!" He had exclaimed, hiding his worry.

"...'m not hungry...," Bumblebee muttered in a monotone voice, passing him and Ironhide to meet Hound who awaited him.

Ratchet shook his blonde hair, his deep mossy green eyes peeking up from his bangs; his red strands wavering with each movement of his head. _The kid hasn t been eating much now that I think about it._ Ratchet thought to himself, gripping his mug by the handle while he thought to himself. _If he doesn t eat soon, he ll collapse under hunger and exhaustion; and I certainly do not want to bring in the IV._

12:30 had come quick from when Bumblebee had left the base at 6 o'clock. Hound and he patrolled the eastern part of town here in Oregon. They were to be on the lookout for any 'Con activity, though the Autobots were sure there wouldn't be any activity considering they just lost a dear teammate of theirs. However, their presumptions were true, Bumblebee knew it and he also knew the Decepticons all too well through his lover.

Meeting back up to base to report what had happened-virtually nothing; the two grabbed a bottle of water for themselves and headed off to other duties. Hound went off to meet with Mirage before his next shift. Bumblebee wasn't due till later on tonight at 7:45 for monitor duty with Red Alert; and knowing Red, he'd want him there on time.

"...I'm going to head out for some errands, I'll be back later. If you need anything, I have my cell..." Bumblebee told Optimus when he had caught him in the hall. Optimus understood with his deep hypnotizing blue eyes of his. His brown hair along with blue and red streaks pulled back neatly; his mouth quirked up into a small understanding smile, expression soft.

"Be careful, Bee." Optimus murmured, his red t-shirt fitting nicely over his body and jeans hanging loosely yet firmly from his hips.

Bumblebee dropped his eyes and nodded carefully before heading out and walking the all too familiar route to his destination.

xxxx

The door opened with the key Bumblebee had found beneath the door mat. The dark oak of the hard wood floor glaring with the light from the apartment hallway ricocheting off the furnished floor. A carpet full of dark autumn colors stained with the deep dried crimson of the blood poured a little over a week ago; the smell thinning out to a nasty smell of death and decay.

The splatter of blood remained on the far left wall and spreading to the ceiling; coloring the bright scarlet wall. Deep gold couches sat against the wall along a long panel of windows; the crimson curtains hanging loosely and unanimated from their iron hanger. The black fleece blanket neatly folded on the frame of the loveseat by the far right wall.

The left wall perpendicular to the far right was occupied by the artificial fireplace with two stockings hanging limply from their nails: one a majestic deep blue with emerald, saphire, black, and gold stripes; red lettering at the top of the stocking implying that it had belonged to Bumblebee. The other royal blue with white seams and gold writing in fine hand font "To serve and protect"; silver letters at the top was implying that that stocking belonged to Barricade.

Christmas cards decorated the top of the mantle from friends, family, colleagues, and Decepticon teammates. Iron reindeer stood proudly and straight at the ends with gold garland edging the corners and platform. Artificial pine needles with bright classic white gleaming lights intertwined with the garland.

Bumblebee stepped in, closing the door behind him and acknowledged the happenings on that fateful day; not entirely welcoming the memories. It all happened so fast that it had almost taken Bumblebee a moment to contemplate what exactly happened...

_The door swung open, slamming against the wall on which it stood. The hinges rattling against the frame from the force of the push or kick or whatever it was that Barricade had inflicted. _

_Normally on days like this, when he threw a fit and took his rage out on the door, he had a bad day on patrol duty with the other cops or one of his "fellow" Decepticon teammates pissed him off again._

_Yes, Bumblebee was scared of him in his temperamental fits, many a time had he been so furious he threw a chair at him and threatened to stab him and leave him there to suffer a slow and painful death; mostly those threats coming from his Decepticon training and cruelty. What Barricade would pull now, he didn't know and he certainly wasn't ready to find out._

_Bumblebee had called his Barricade earlier that day, telling him he'd be at his place shortly before he got home to see him before his week long patrol started. Barricade had been in a better mood before hand. Once the door had slammed open, he turned around abruptly, straining his neck, from where he sat on the couch listening to his iPod and curled up with the fleece blanket._

_"Barricade...? What happened...?" He had asked, his voice shaking._

_"Damned man thinks he can pinpoint what goes on in my life? He can think again; of course I love him, always have and forever will!" Barricade yelled into his apartment. "I can love whoever I please...he has no right to tell me that I can't love my little Honey-Bee!" He yelled again._

_"Barricade, I'm here...what happened at work today, tell me please..." Bumblebee pleaded, getting up from the couch and placing his iPod on the mantle next to one of the reindeer._

_It was a mistake to drag Barricade out of his thoughts and anger at that moment so sternly and pleadingly. To receive cold blazing crimson eyes of that of his lover purely scared the scout._

_"What...what are you doing in my home? Wait, you re an Autobot! I'll kill you with my bare hands, rip your flesh from your limbs bit by bit you worthless child!" _

_Barricade's Decepticon defenses were initiated and was too far into the process to cool down now. Bumblebee tried to dismiss the words that he heard every time Barricade had snarled them to his face, but the sting was always left there along with the scars of the other Decepticons._

_"Barricade, please; it-it's me, Bumblebee...please try to calm down..." Tears were dripping down Bumblebee's face now, staining the soft cheeks they ran over._

_"Do **NOT** tell me what to do," Barricade snarled. "You have no control over me, you puny parasite!" _

_"I-I m sorry, I didn't mean...to...I just want to...help in anyway possible..." _

_"Is that all you want to do? You sentimental son of a **bitch**, you're not needed here in this world. This is the second time I have caught you and your useless ass in my apartment..." Barricade continued while heading over to the kitchen drawers._

_Bumblebee watched curiously, fear in his eyes and whole body trembling._

_"I'm sick of your face, your eyes, your personality, your life and I will happily end it all right now!" Barricade sneered as he walked back from around the kitchen island holding a a knife._

_"B-Barricade, please don't..." Bumblebee's eyes grew wider and his tears fell harder... _

_"No, I don't want to see you anymore you **fucking son of a bitch**!" _

_Bumblebee glanced behind Barricade and saw his police belt, the gun, pepper spray, and tazer still latched into place. Barricade had never taken out his bullets from his revolver._

_Before Barricade had lurched forward with a growl, Bumblebee slid beneath him and grabbed the gun from the belt, fumbling with the latches. He finally grabbed the hand grip and his right index finger on the trigger with the left hand covering the right. "Please Barricade, I don't want to do this; put the knife down and I will leave if you wish, just please..." He cried; his bright blue eyes covered in water leaking from his tear ducts and hands trembling._

_"You won't leave, you never will leave, and you'll just keep coming back!" _

_"I will because I love you! This is my last time seeing you for a week before the next; I just wanted to see you before I left...so please just let me love you for this one time..." Bumblebee cried again._

_"**ENOUGH! JUST SHUT THE HELL UP**!" Barricade yelled while lurching forward and stabbing Bumblebee in the joint of his left shoulder._

_Bumblebee cried out in pain and before Barricade could attack again, one step closer to Bumblebee's throat, he pulled the trigger... _

Pulled out of his agonizing thoughts, the door flew open with a loud crash. Bumblebee jumped and spun around, looking at the person before him.

Dark blue hair with red tips shook with shock and anger. A mangled up mouth with a scar pulled up into a snarl. His tendon in his neck poked out with frustration as the heart within thudded with adrenaline.

The older man wore a red shirt with royal blue shirt overtop with crimson cuffs and purple seams; the sleeves covering mid-bicep of the buffed out muscles. White-knuckled fists stood firmly and steady at the side of his tall frame, low jeans hanging from his firm hips. Paint and blood splatters colored the dark jeans, rips decorating the knees and tearing up the seams at the bottom. Worn out _Nike_ sneakers covered the large feet with the colors of black, red, and purple.

A low growl escaped the throat of the large man. Returning his gaze back up to the face, Bumblebee noticed the deep crimson eyes stare at him from beneath the red tips, pupils small and irises large with the menacing blood lust shining through.

Before Bumblebee could make any real movement or even consider his next move, he was face first up against the closest wall, windows shaking from the force of the two bodies colliding onto the frail scarlet paint.

"What're you doing here? Give me _one_ good reason why I shouldn't twist your neck till you see your entrance!" The Decepticon snarled dangerous; his voice low and menacing, the threat not hesitant to be followed through.

"...I don't care what you do, if you intend to kill me, do it quick so I can see him again..." Bumblebee said below his breath, care evidently not present. "I don't care anymore...so please, at least have some mercy to kill me quickly."

This took the Decepticon off guard. Usually it was the victims who begged for mercy not to be killed, but this Autobot, begged to _be_ killed. His sentimental trait lost deep within sorrow and depression evident in his dull blue eyes.

The Decepticon backed off, taking his weight off Bumblebee as he let the scout stagger onto his own feet again. "What s the catch, Auto-brat?" He snarled.

"...No catch...just...lost..."

"There's always a catch, what is it?" The Decepticon demanded again.

"...Barricade...I'm lost without him. Life doesn't matter anymore so if you want to ruin me, do it already..."

"Well, well, well; you're the little brat that kept 'Cade busy all these years. What was the price; money, a promise, safety?"

"...Love..." Bumblebee whispered; not really caring what the Decepticon thought of him. His life was gone; he wouldn't find anything as close to Barricade as he had...not close to now anyway.

"What?" The others tone was honest, searching for the truth.

"I had been with Barricade for about five years now, I loved him and maybe he loved me because he kept me around for that long. I didn't mean to intrude but, I was visiting the past but was welcomed with tragedy."

The Decepticon was contemplating something, but Bumblebee could sense that his aggressiveness had eased back. Bumblebee watched as careful and sympathetic crimson eyes watched him, watched the tears run down Bumblebee's face, and watched the pale face of the Autobot scout drain away with his life as he slowly killed himself without eating. This wasn't a break-up that happened in everyday life, this was pure love for someone who knew he couldn't be with forever.

"I'm...sorry...I had no idea...my name is Thundercracker."

"...Bumblebee..."

"Bumblebee, I know how it feels to love someone. I may be a Decepticon, but like everyone else, I too have found love: Skywarp."

Bumblebee nodded, and looked up with his dull blue eyes, their shine now dripping away with his energy. Dark bags hung loosely around his eyes.

"...Thundercracker, can I ask you something...?" Bumblebee whispered; not really caring if Thundercracker would comply, laugh, or just accept it. No matter what, Bumblebee was placing his trust in the Decepticon.

"What...?"

"Can you please not tell any of the other Decepticons about me being here...I can deal with their taunting and bruises, but I cannot deal with the horrid memories? It's a lot to ask, I'm sure, but at least this one time for an Autobot..." Bumblebee said, pain filling his voice, and Thundercracker could hear it.

Thundercracker sighed. "Because I know about love and the pain that you re going through, even as an Autobot...I promise..." Thundercracker replied, understanding etched across his features and a small smile creeping onto his mangled lips; he nodded in ascent.


End file.
